Day 2

Seems to her that her life is full of waiting hopelessly. Her new path just has an enormous obstacle to her fulfill happiness. She started to wonder why should she waits and keep waiting and waiting, but although he doesn’t want to. But why it bothers her, cause she cares, she truly does, she cares. He might not have that big of a place in her heart right now, but she cares. Hurts and pain and many disastrous incidents occurred in her past, she froze her heart, numb her mind, just to get away of all the bullshit in this life. She thought she found he who cares for her actually, but he, whom does not. Again she was mistaken. She was so stupid to think she could pour her heart out this time.  It got crushed before it actually appears Tears ran down her face even when she’s not intended to.  She cares, she did, she does, she will as long as he still hers He cares, he did. He stopped by stepping away from her She left alone again, for one more time, her soul broke apart by his words “Why am I always have to wait?! Why am I the one that waits for so many times?!”  There’s a question that has no answer in her head right now She came out bluntly, she stopped speaking truthfully.  She punks with people’s feelings, she thought she could be so tough that she is strong right now but she got even weaker She might does not need to pure her heart out, she does not need to get to her knees for him She should seek for the signs, those signs that he does not have any feeling for her.  After all, right now they are together, a little sympathy might be just fine. But oh c’mon, from the beginning it was a game to both himself and her Is he truly care ? He said he did, but again, she heard words She trusted it, she believed in it, she thought she could do it one more time. To actually believe in empty words But no, it’s useless shoving those thoughts into her head. Blunt !  Bullshits !!! What could have she done wrong ? What did she do to make him saying things like that into her ears? She does not deserve this But that’s might be true, she’s not that important compared what he’s having right now in his life. Yeh true she isn’t. She’s just an ordinary little chick like others that came in and out of his life. She understands that she is either let this go, move on as normally as she can the next day. Or finish it right here, because it’s so easy for people to say goodbye.  They say goodbye when they ready too, they give no shit thought about the person they’re saying it with. It is just so damn easy telling this is over. They won’t hurt as much if they start, if they begin and finish it. She could be this person if she wants. All she needs is a phone call, a little “Hey, where are you?!” and the rest goes on as normal. “I don’t think we should be together and I don’t think you’re being true with me. You seem to have other priorities in your life, and in my way I can’t see where I’m fit in. So it’s better if we go on our own way.” a little white lies, a little humor and mocking, it’s all she needs to get this over with.

 

Day 1

Looking all around found herself in a strangest place.

She turns around, and she found herself alone.

She positions herself on the pavement right beneath her knees. And put her head up to the sky. The stars are dazzling and showing off their truest beauty. She holds her arms out, reaching towards the pitch black darkest sky, with golden spots all over. She rises her arms up higher, dragging her body along. when she finally stands up, she realizes the stars are to far away from her.

That salty liquid runs down her face, from the left corner of her eyes, down to the fracture of her cheekbone and lastly drop to her jaw.

Her eyes close tighter, cause she knew, once she opens it, she’s facing the reality.

She stands there for a little while. Trying to get her feet back on the ground and clearing her head.

She has so many things to do tonight. That design portfolio she gotta turn in the next day, 10 pages of them. And she knows she doesn’t have a clue in her head. She just not in that feeling for thinking straight about formalizing her words and putting it all in a paragraph. She just can’t.

Decisions have to be make, quick. And she’s not the one who could decide, but to put herself through all the options, which she already knew which one to choose. Cause by choosing those typical ones, would pleasing a lot of people. And that’s how her life was set to do. Pleasing people.

But I know, she’s not like that inside. She’s hiding. “I let myself exposed to you once. And I’m not going to do it again.”

She’s scared. That’s all.

Hurt too much too be hurt twice. She cannot bear it the second time.

She understands where she stands in your heart. But seems to me she chose to step out of that timid corner that doesn’t even have enough room for her to be who she is.

She’s avoiding him.

She chosen to say what they wanna hear, to do what they expects her to do, to be quiet when is needed and need not to show her temper. Then she became, a popular chick with that talent of amusing people. Yeah that’s how it’s like to her.

She’s having a good time. Yeah at least that’s what she’s telling me. She finally can move on. He rescued her I must say, he saved her actually, from the hell hole she was in.

She doesn’t love him, she knows, she just needs someone to be there, to taking care, to look after her. She couldn’t stand on her own for that long. He came, and get her out of the dark. She owes him. A lot actually.

Confusion, all she is right now. She doesn’t know what step further more she should take. She wants it to last long, but her journey doesn’t allow her to. When she finds where she can lay her head then she gotta move on further with her life. That’s life, tired as fuck. She can’t please 2 sides as once, although she’s really want to.

What happened if she stays, what will happen if she doesn’t?! Part of her want to stay, part of her loves the fact that he is caring and treating her very well. Part of her thinking that this is just all a game. And the first part is growing, getting bigger every day. She feels warmth and light in the end. She deserves this.

But he doesn’t seem to be like it anymore. It just not the same, seems like his feelings are bored of her. Laugh out loud she told herself. She prefers when he looks at her only, when he holds her. She feel loved.

Maybe he’s just not that interested. LOL